The Influenza Conspiracy Theory!

Yet another attempt at reviving this space.

All of these flu strains the world seems to be uncovering over the last few years... bollocks I say. It's just a bloody sinister marketing ploy by the vegetable growers of the world. They're converting you to vegetarianism - one animal at a time!

First there was the mad-cow disease. Ok - so this isn't exactly a flu. But let's park minor technicalities. This was first discovered in England (who I believe will beat Australia in the Ashes and are generally the source of trouble). People stopped eating cows (well... some people did. and yet more stopped temporarily). In connected news, the women of England were also less satisfied by their partners' prowess in bed at the time. I wonder if there's a connection!? Hmmm. Anyway - So that's a hunk of beef out!

Then there was Bird Flu. When this broke out, it was like this childhood dream a lot of us have had (I know at least 2 people who've had this dream as kids) - there's a bird thats chasing (does flying after a running person count as chasing???!!) you and you're running and running and running and the big black bird (think XXXXL crow with a shiny black beak) is flying and flying and flying. And then you tire and stumble. And the bird is upon you. Then you wake up (Damn suspense films!). Anyway, point is - people stopped eating chicken. KFC was getting screwed (as they ought to). And more and more people adopted what someone wise once said (still says in fact)... Fowl is foul.

So Cows - check, Chicken - check.

Now there's Swine Flu. Love how they don't call it Pig Flu. It's like someone decided - hey let's add some emotion into this disease (see - this is all a marketing ploy) - pig is not punchy enough. what's another word.... hog.. naah.... piglet... naaah..... AHA..... SWINE!!! And then the pigs were rescued.

So Cows - check. Chicken - check. Pigs - check.

Coming in 2010.... FISH FLU. Affectionately known as FF - Fully F****d!

It's all a bloody conspiracy!