Well... at least Lord Ganesha prefers Air India!

The logic is sound. Lord Ganesha - the elephant headed remover of obstacles (the irony will be self-evident by the end of this note!) prefers rats as his vehicle of choice. Rats prefer to Air India as their vehicle of choice (proven - I'll get to that in a second). Hence Lord Ganesha prefers Air India.

As if the punch up detailed in the last entry in this space wasn't enough, some good souls pointed out a couple of other recently reported incidents. And this is where the rats come in!

Incident 1 -
147 passengers were deplaned in Amritsar when a Toronto bound aircraft was found to have a rat (unfortunately for the rat he wasn't one disguised as a human - but there were plenty of those on this flight as well!).

Incident 2 -
A week after that 412 passengers were deplaned in Calicut from a Riyadh bound flight (maybe thats a good thing!) when a rodent was spotted on that one! Again - this was a rodent-shaped rodent. The human-shaped ones didn't create any panic (though they're the real trouble-makers). And then they flew an empty plane down from Mumbai so that the stranded passengers could take their trip to Riyadh. Quite rich for a bankrupt airline!

What surprises me is that we haven't had some religeous group going up in arms defending the rights of the average rodent to fly in view of them having close connections with Lord Ganesha. Sound logic that too!

Bring it on Shiv Sena / MNS! If there's anyone who can top AI on the outrageously-and-infuriatingly-stupid index - it's you guys!

There's drama in the air!

In the midst of all the tragedies during the last week (floods in the Philippines, Vietnam and India, the earthquake(s) in Indonesia, the tsunami in Samoa and the landslides in Sicily), Air India took some time out to provide the world with some comic relief (and yet another reason to stop flying that ridiculous airline).

There was a mid-air scuffle. Now this would've been an "oh-ok-that-sucks" moment if it was between 2 passengers. It would've been a "really?-that's-terrible!" moment if it was between a passenger and one of the crew members. But it was between the crew and the pilots!!! Thats what makes it such a "What-the-fuck!!????" moment worth blogging about!!! (BCT - borrowing your term for this one if you dont mind!)

So this flight was going from Sharjah to Delhi via Lucknow - which in itself sounds like trouble - and somewhere en route to Lucknow, over Pakistan (unnamed sources blamed the ISI for the scuffle but even they couldn't have come up with something so stupid... and thats saying something!!!), the incident ensued. Facts are unclear (surprise surprise!!) but there are misconduct claims and sexual harassment allegations flying around with a couple of people walking away with bruises. All of them ended up without jobs by the end of that!

Now there are a few very disturbing things about this whole thing:
1) that the pilot(s) would actually beckon a stewardess into the cockpit (oh - the double meanings I have to resist right now!!) and molest her!!! WHAT THE.... was he thinking? That he'd get away with it?!!!???!!!!!????
2) even if he did (molest her).... which, in my opinion, should make him eligible for capital punishment (yeah - I'm extreme that way!), if I was a part of the crew, I'd wait till we were on the ground before punching him up (and punch him up I would). I don't want to piss off the only person in the air who is likely to get me to ground in one piece, still in a state to be able to knock his teeth out.
3) apparently - when the plane landed in Lucknow, most of the passengers were so freaked out - they deplaned and took a train or something! But no one reported the matter! IDIOTS!

Net - Air India explores new depths. The Maharajah needs to be retired. And for heaven's sake... DON'T FLY AIR INDIA. India has a couple of other world class airlines, but Air India isn't one of them. Pity they carry the country's name!

The circus that is GMA!

(Photo taken from Manuel Quezon iii's blog)

GMA(Gloria Macapagal Arroyo), president of the Republic of the Philippines has got to be one of the most stupid, insensitive and un-savvy political leaders of our times. She makes Laloo Prasad Yadav and Sarah Palin look Mensa-esque!

So here's what happened - She goes to the US, apparently, to meet Obama. Ends up eating a US$20,000 dinner with her cronies at an expensive NY restaurant. Gets caught out doing that by someone who Tweets. What ensues is a load of crap explanations by a bunch of people who are either really stupid or think the rest of the world is.

As she heads out, she's carrying a lot of dead baggage with her. Including Senator (and ex-film star) Lito Lapid who, as reported in the Inquirer said that he "had personally asked Ms Arroyo to take him along for the meeting with Obama at the Oval Office". He admitted he would do anything to have a photograph with the most powerful man in the world. He said, "I hope I’d be lucky enough to be chosen among the five that would be allowed to accompany the President when she meets Obama. This will be my first time ever to meet a US president in person because I might not have the chance anymore. So I asked the President herself to sign me up on this trip". (So Lito was really on a celeb spotting trip! On the upside - at least he's honest! And dumb!!)

Then there was the tragic passing of ex-President Cory Aquino. Apparently, right after GMA was informed about the death, she had a meeting with Hillary Clinton. She was so star-struck that she missed mentioning Cory's passing to Hillary. Hillary only found out a couple of hours later from a Filipina reporter! So after her rendez-vous with Hillary, GMA quickly recorded a rushed condolence message before heading out to NY for dinner!!

And what a dinner it was. She fed 15-20 people at a cost of US$20,000 (I know!!! HOLY COW and all that!!!). And this wasn't even an official dinner. So either the tax-payer is paying for this dinner or she gets paid a shit load of money! Neither should be happening! Heck - the dinner shouldn't be happening. For Pete's sake, a national icon has just passed and you're the president of the country!!! Dinner was at Le Cirque (very ironically - the Circus!) and was first reported on Twitter!!!

And then the cover ups! This is the best part!!! On one side you have her press secretary Cerge Remonde insisting that $20,000 is not expensive because "after all you're dining with the President of the Philippines". On the other you have senator Lapid saying he didn't understand what the big deal was. Apparently he doesn't like French food because he can't cope with all the cutlery changes between courses! One other official also made matters worse by saying that wasn't even the best expensive meal they had (which means there were others!).

While all of this is happening, the average Filipino is struggling to buy a 10 Peso sachet of detergent to wash her clothes. In other words - GMA - you're screwing with me!!

The final - and biggest - irony of this all is something that happened at the very start of the trip. GMA signed an executive order creating a "Local Hunger Task Force"!!!

*SIGH*

PS: Some people say that Obama took his wife to a play in NY and spent thousands of dollars flying from DC to NY on a private jet and all that - so whats the big deal!!! Well - that still doesn't make it right!!!

The Influenza Conspiracy Theory!

Yet another attempt at reviving this space.

All of these flu strains the world seems to be uncovering over the last few years... bollocks I say. It's just a bloody sinister marketing ploy by the vegetable growers of the world. They're converting you to vegetarianism - one animal at a time!

First there was the mad-cow disease. Ok - so this isn't exactly a flu. But let's park minor technicalities. This was first discovered in England (who I believe will beat Australia in the Ashes and are generally the source of trouble). People stopped eating cows (well... some people did. and yet more stopped temporarily). In connected news, the women of England were also less satisfied by their partners' prowess in bed at the time. I wonder if there's a connection!? Hmmm. Anyway - So that's a hunk of beef out!

Then there was Bird Flu. When this broke out, it was like this childhood dream a lot of us have had (I know at least 2 people who've had this dream as kids) - there's a bird thats chasing (does flying after a running person count as chasing???!!) you and you're running and running and running and the big black bird (think XXXXL crow with a shiny black beak) is flying and flying and flying. And then you tire and stumble. And the bird is upon you. Then you wake up (Damn suspense films!). Anyway, point is - people stopped eating chicken. KFC was getting screwed (as they ought to). And more and more people adopted what someone wise once said (still says in fact)... Fowl is foul.

So Cows - check, Chicken - check.

Now there's Swine Flu. Love how they don't call it Pig Flu. It's like someone decided - hey let's add some emotion into this disease (see - this is all a marketing ploy) - pig is not punchy enough. what's another word.... hog.. naah.... piglet... naaah..... AHA..... SWINE!!! And then the pigs were rescued.

So Cows - check. Chicken - check. Pigs - check.

Coming in 2010.... FISH FLU. Affectionately known as FF - Fully F****d!

It's all a bloody conspiracy!

Please fasten your seat belts... OR ELSE

Back! Won't go into where I've been coz thats not what this is about. Almost.

I've been in India over the past week and a half, of which, the last 5 days have been spent traversing the south... well Chennai (oh so hot), Mysore (oh so beautiful), Bangalore (oh such a beautiful airport - it's a pity it's not in Bangalore and it's terribly planned).

Given all of this I've been flying a fair bit. I want to share some of my pet flying peeves with anyone who'll listen...

1) WHY OH WHY do the fat men always sit next to me?
2) WHY OH WHY do they smell?
3) WHY OH WHY must they switch their phones on the very split second the wheels have touch the tarmac?
4) WHY OH WHY must they push and shove while the doors are still closed and there's nowhere to go?
5) WHY OH WHY must they push and shove even after the fucking door is open?
6) WHY OH WHY must they leer at the poor little hostie who's smiling on the outside and seething on the inside. If you leer, be subtle fatty!

WHY OH WHY!

Piss Off

Most men will be able to relate to this in one way or another. For women, this might be insightful (and at the same time totally pointless).

At the outset, let me establish that this post is about men's urinals and the various types of behaviours one is exposed to in this sanctum. I say that urinals ought to be the most uninteresting places in the world, but much to my chagrin, they aren't. So if you don't want to read about men peeing, then stop here. Else, let me take you into my view (don't get me wrong about the view) of what should be a hallowed space.

There are many different types of pee'ers among men. And a lot of them piss me off (said with tongue firmly in cheek).

1) Those who use the urinals as an extension of their workspace:
This person will have his phone precariously poised between his head (cocked - no pun intended - to one side) and his left shoulder while taking aim. The conversation will generally be about how "we can launch on time and hit our targets". Touche I say.

2) Why waste a perfectly useful bladder break:
God bless bladder breaks. Sometimes meetings can be a battle between the bladder the speaker. Fortunately, most days the speaker gives in and calls for a bladder break. However, there's always the odd eager beaver who will want to carry on the discussion just as you get poised to aim and shoot. He feels the compulsive need to ask you questions like "How do you think this issue will go down?". Steely silence is what he gets from me.

3) I love spending quality time with my family
Then there are the kinds who will use pee time like tea time. Make a quick call to the wife and the kids. See how they're doing. Ask about whether the maid came in and ironed all the clothes. And if the dog is still constipated. Stop already!

4) Song-birdies
Yep - some people feel the need to sing a song - ideally the birdie song - to urge things along. Use an I-pod I say.

5) The conspiracy theory enthusiasts
These one's are scary. They'll take the corner urinal. Get really close to it and in fact stand more like facing the corner than straight ahead. Kinda like the world is out to get their jewels. Never checked, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a trickle or two down the corner wall!

I think the following simple rules should be posted and enforced by the PeePolice -
1) Please switch off your cell phones, pagers and any other device designed to keep you in touch with the outside world.
2) Do not talk unless General is stuck in the zipper. And even if that's the case, don't talk - just scream! (Just don't expect anyone to help)
3) Wash your hands. If you're not concerned about personal hygene, at least do it when there are other people in the loo. Because they might be working with you and you know how word gets around!!

All in the general interest of the decent pee'ers in general.

Pee-ce out! Biatch!

House Haunting

House-hunting, especially in current market conditions, is a bitch. And then some.

First - the inept agent. My first agent (we'll call him/her E) is absolutely useless. E has "serviced" so many folks from my workplace (this just sounds wrong, but I'll keep it there for the fun of it), that she/he completely ignored my simple brief (2 bedder, modern, furnished, west side) and showed me places that other folks from work were moving out of! They were 3 bedders, old, unfurnished and in the north. If she/he was my agency, I'd fire her/him. Oh wait, she/he is my agent. And yes - I fired her/him.

Enter - the ept agent (I know ept is not a word, but it should be - opposite of inept.... come to think of it, it could be outept... but I like ept better and this is my blog... so ept it is). We'll call her/him D. Now D has never "serviced" (I'm enjoying this) anyone from my workplace. She/he took all of 2 viewings and 5 minutes of briefing to understand what I was looking for. About 10-12 apartment viewings later, I saw it. A place that spoke to me. A place that said, come live in me. And above all, a place I could afford in this crazy real estate market. I move in May 1.

There are a few disturbing things about D though. She (ok - i'm over the gender neutrality thing) wants to party with my bald male businessman friend and me at St James Power Station (popular teeny bopper club in Singapore). This is not alarming in itself given how dashing and irresistable the two of us are, but apparently she has a 26 year old daughter (alarm 1) who plays in a band and D thinks I should meet her (alarm 2). Oh and the daughter is also getting married next year (alarm 3). It's all very confusing and disturbing. I need to lie down.

Thrilla in Manila

For those of you who've been to Manila, you'll know that this place is crazy... way crazier than Singapore but not as crazy as say Bangkok. Leaving your hotel late for a flight is not a good idea. In fact it's very far from a good idea. I think it's what you might call a bad idea. A really bad idea!

It all started last night. Went to the Podium (or Pojioom as the cab driver would have me call it) for dinner. Pojioom is a mall about 5km from my office. But in the evening it should take about 45 mins. Not so bad. Caught up with a long lost old friend who I saw after a gazillion years! Had a couple of coffees, the first of which was weaker than Munaf Patel's throwing arm (if you don't know cricket - just ignore the reference to it.. but read on). For the second one, well, I asked for a strong coffee. And she went around the entire mall and the 3.5 barangays and 2 villages surrounding the mall, found all the caffeine she could find, and pumped it into my coffee. I suspect she also added a dash of red bull in it... just in case.

Headed back to the hotel soon after and was bouncing off the walls while watching FoxCrime (Really cool crime channel!) for about 4 hours!!! Watched Law and Order, CSI NY, PI something and Masterminds! Slept at 4. Now the bad news here was that I had a flight at 8.20am. Needed to wake up at 5.45am. Decided I couldn't go wrong with 3 alarms. It turns out I could.

Yes - I have the ability to turn off 3 different alarms, placed, by careful design, in 3 different parts of the room. And I went back to sleep. Next time I woke up, it was 7.19am! I had 1 hour and 1 minute to my flight. Fortunately I had packed before I slept (not usual for me). So crashed out of the room. Paid my bill. Got into a hotel cab and gave him the promise of a hefty tip if he pulled off a miracle for me.

Got to the airport at 7.50am (thanks to an in-car preview of the formula 1 season that kicks off in Melbourne today - GO FERRARI!). Gave Filippe Massa the tip I'd promised. Crashed through the customary baggage check line before check in. But alas. The counter was closed. I had officially missed my flight.

Now unfortunately, the Manila airport is shit when it comes to spending time there. So I headed back to the hotel and had my breakfast buffet - apple juice, yet another coffee, scrambled eggs, baked beans (watch out SQ afternoon flight!) and toast. Now I'm at the lobby reflecting on my Thrilla in Manila. I wonder what else the day has in store for me!

A Short History of Singapore

Of late I've discovered some really good gems about Singapore on the net. One of them is a blog called www.mrbrown.com. Think of him as a Singaporean Michael Moore. Only funnier.

For anyone outside of Singapore reading this, you might not relate to this easily - so I'm sorry, but for those of you in Singapore..... enjoy this.

Also found this really cool video that captures Singapore history in a short Singlish song!

Flights of Fancy

Flying east long distance is always an unusually awe inspiring experience. The sun always seems keen to meet you. From the darkness of the night with the twinkling of a few lights 11,000m below you on some obscure island or forgotten city and a yellow jagged moon yawning horizontally at you, to an orange hue appearing on the horizon lighting up one solitary face of the sometimes-rocky-sometimes-covered-in-a-soft-bed-of-fresh-snow Alaskan Range, representing the eagerness of a brand new day, to the bright sunshine - the pomp and glare of high noon - it all happens quickly.

It's a new day. A new start. A new world. A new hope.

No - I haven't gone nuts. Just very inspired by my Executive Economy window seat on SQ22 from Singapore to NY!

The landscape is mind-bogglingly (sic!) beautiful. At sunrise, we're over Alaska, revealing the contrast of jagged, mean-looking rocks and the purity of untouched snow. As the sun gains in strength and permeates everything, we have flat white expanses of what would be beautiful cold blue steel river. The kind you'd expect to see on a postcard from Vermont.

At this point I'm being chided by the stewardess for keeping my window shade open. They want to keep the cabin pitch dark so passengers won't wake up and ask for things!

I still sneak a peek every so often.

The battle between the long beards and short skirts

Sania Mirza (the only Indian female tennis player to have broken into the Top 30 on the ATP tour!) has taken a stand. She is not going to play anymore tournaments in India.

Attagirl! For what it's worth, I'm behind her all the way! She's had enough of the self acclaimed moral police telling her that she's baring too much skin and that she should play with a hijab or a burkha on, failing which, she should be duly punished, which in this case would be pelting her to death with stones (since we're still living in the 12th century.... BC). On top of that she's been embroiled in a controversy about the flag. Only because she had her feet a few feet from it!!!! No one's saying she was stamping all over it like a child that's been denied her candy. She was sitting. Her feet were placed a few feet away from the flag. And effigies were burnt!

For fuck's sake!

She's representing our country! She's the best we've ever had. Her booming forehand has left many more prominent opponents stunned. She could inspire a generation of Indian female tennis players. Leave her be. Nurture talent, don't use it as a platform for your jingoism and cheap publicity.

But this right wing funda-fucking-mentalists are not the only one's to blame. Next up is the media. Switch to any news channel in India (even the "respectable" NDTV), this is their sensational news for the day. They'll run polls, vox-pops, panels and the like asking everyone and a stray dog whether they think Sania's skirt is too short. The fat Gujarati businessman, who probably gets his rocks off watching women's tennis, takes what he thinks is a moral highground and condemns Sania. Another fat aunty gets interviewed on the street while trying to get the poor vegetable vendor to shave 2 Rs off the tomatos she just bought. And she thinks it's not in line with Indian conservatism. Then they have the gall to cut to an interview with some FUCKING religeous expert who claims this is against the will of Allah!!!! WHAT???!!!!!! Allah, I'm sure, has more pressing matters to deal with - like a bunch of lunatics killing in his name! Something tells me he's a tad upset about that.

Who gives a fuck about what a fat Gujarati businessman, the haggling aunty or the dated bearded dude think? None of them have ever played tennis or done anything that would make their parents proud (leave alone an entire nation).

Therein lies the 3rd set of people who're pissing me off. The common man - and thats a big bug-bear to carry. The NDTVs of the world carry this sensation through the day only because people want to hear about this. People revel in other people's misery (Mahogany had a very interesting post about this wrt Britney Spears). Get over it. Get on with your life. Cheer her on and be happy there's someone doing our country proud in sport. And be prouder that it's a woman. Salute her spirit and egg her on. Reject this nonsense from the media.

While all of this goes on - I hope Sania keeps her spunk intact (that sounds so wrong), works on her serve, and more importantly, continues to inspire the next generation of Indian tennis players.

On a separate note - where do effigy burners come from? Who makes the effigies? How do they have the time in the middle of the day to get together and burn an effigy? Don't they need to be at work or something? It could be a great business idea! Effigy makers. 3 hours delivery at a prominent junction anywhere in the country - guaranteed!

Raju plugs the GAP!

Was engaged in a very interesting debate last night... by an englishwoman no less!

The context:
In recent times, there has been outrage in the UK, sparked off by discovery that some Gap (international fashion chain) products had children (in India) at least partly involved in the manufacturing process. The press is up in arms. Righteous and "socially aware" consumers are enraged. There are Anti-Gap (and Anti-other-big-brand) protests calling for both - greater controls by label owners as well as boycotts from responsible consumers. Couple of articles through the links below:
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/world/story/0,,2200573,00.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7066019.stm

Now I say this approach is flawed.

As we would say in marketing - let's start with our consumer... in this case our subject...

A young boy called Raju. He's about 10 and lives in rural UP. His father is a drunk, doesn't have a job and beats up his wife every night. Raju's mother works in the fields nearby and after what her husband steals for alcohol, she has just enough to sustain the family with 2 square meals a day. What chance does Raju have? His mother, deep within, wants him to avail of a very fragile free primary schooling program that the government has in place. But weighed down by the frustration and bitterness of her everyday life, puts him to work instead. There's a textile manufacturing unit located 20km from their village. And they're looking for labour. Very cheap labour. Free market economics apply. Raju's mother needs him to have that job. There are enough Rajus around whose mothers need them to have that job. So these Rajus are cheap. In fact they're so cheap that even after the expense of paying the fat lazy law enforcers to turn a convenient blind eye towards this heinous crime, it's still a great financial proposition for the manufacturer.

Now what would happen to Raju if consumers in London stopped buying stuff that Raju has a hand in making. The brand would either go bust or stop buying from this manufacturer. In either case Raju would lose his job. His family would be more miserable. If he was lucky, he'd get a job somewhere else. If not, he'd be another potential asset lost to his country.

So what's the REAL PROBLEM. There are too many. (1) Lack of a viable social security or welfare system in India so that Raju's family has a viable way or getting out of their dark spiral, (2) Corruption... where the fat policeman condemns this child to abject working conditions when he should be learning math... all for a few rupees (then again - this fat policeman has his own problems and reasons for doing what he's doing.... but that's a story for another day).

Don't stop buying what Raju is making. At least not until India finds a better way of getting him out of his misery.

T3... ho hum!!!

The much touted Singapore Changi Airport Terminal 3 has opened up amidst much fanfare. I was one of the "privilaged" Day 1 passengers at the terminal (my flight back from KL landed in the new T3).

Firstly - what's the big deal about T3? I'm not sure really. It's just a big big happening in Singapore!! For background, the last terminal opened in Changi was the Budget Terminal a couple of years ago. It's for those cheapskates who don't want to pay their whole airfare. They want cheap cheap. Anyway - there was so much fanfare around this that they ran a national contest to name the terminal. The question that appeared on the front page of Straits Times was "What should the new Budget Terminal be named?". 4 weeks later a winning entry was announced. The winner was Alec Smart (real name will not be disclosed to protect the identitiy of the perpetrator). His entry - BUDGET TERMINAL! "Budget terminal" was the winning entry in a contest to name the FUCKING budget terminal!!! How fucking stupid is that!!!

Thankfully they stayed away from this kinda stunt for T3. They had T1. Then a cooler, more expensive T2. Then they pulled up this 3rd terminal, they thought long and hard, even considered a contest - an international one this time - but then, very wisely might I add, they settled on T3.

So I landed in T3 on the 9th of Jan. And I thought it was very very ordinary.

Firstly - Our plane happily taxied around for a good 20 minutes. And it was stop start. It was like driving through Orchard in a sea of crazy Chinese lady drivers juggling shopping bags and cell phones on a not so idle Sunday afternoon. Not that I was driving in this case, but you get the drift! This in turn had a very interesting impact on the general diaspora on the flight. Everytime we had a stop (in the context of the stop-start taxi-ing), about 14 people in my immediate vicinity felt the need to stand and open the overhead compartments. Only to be jerked back into their seats the next minute. It got tiresome after it happened 3 times. Got kinda old.

Then - they replicated some of the disasters of Manila and Mumbai. When you get out of your flight you walk right across the paths of some other flight boarding. Mass confusion ensues. Some people boarding a flight get swayed by the crowd and end up at baggage collection wondering what a quick trip they had. Others who've just gotten off their flight find themselves accosted onto another flight headed to Malta or Mogadishu or Mozambique for crying out loud!

Then, when you finally battle your way to baggage reclaim, there's no baggage there. I'd put this down to teething trouble, but Singapore teaches you to expect perfection the first time and everytime thereafter. Our baggage came in only after half an hour. During this time, I made friends with the nose-digging aunty who was sitting next to me through the flight. She spoke excellent Singlish (a language I love) and was complaining about the government while looking for nasal treasures. Very pleasing.

After that, I had to head back to the T2 carpark (coz I'd kinda parked my car there - I know that was obvious, but just wanted to be safe!). This was a trek and then some! Trudged to the other end of T3 for the skytrain. This in itself was an unusually bumpy ride. These monorail thingies are meant to be quite smooth and quiet. This one wasn't. Got to T2 - but the wrong end of it. Trekked all the way to the other end to finally get into my car and get out of there.

All in all, painful. Didn't quite get how this was better than T2 or any other airport terminal I've ever been in etc etc! But then again, I headed to Manila yesterday and it made me like T3 just a touch more.

Finally - the Cork Board!

For the past 2 years or so I've been looking for a cork board. Something I can put up on a wall in my study so I can put up some of my fave photographs.

My desire for the cork board and the lack of success in finding one led to a series of unfortunate events (with no reference to the movie or the book). Here goes:

1) I feel an urge for a cork board
2) I buy a polaroid camera so I can take random pics of ppl who will eventually graduate to being pin ups (approx $90 for the camera + another approx $100 for the cartridges)
3) I buy a photo printer so I can print some of my "fantastic" work. But I don't print anything coz the cork board is not there (approx $400 for the printer)
4) Printer ink dries up because it's been a year since I haven't used it.
5) I buy new printer ink (approx $120)
6) Still no cork board
7) Printer ink dries up again while the polaroid pics are stashed away in an envelope
8) New printer ink (approx $130... with the new GST ruling) is acquired
9) Got off the lift on the wrong floor in a mall today and saw cork board right in front of me! FINALLY - THE CORK BOARD... and for the record - with the pins - it was approx $14.

Search for a cork board (and related expenses) - $854, a cork board with your favorite photographs in your study - Priceless.

Two of the best!!!!

HUGE thanks to Tomato Peeleepeena and Shrenik for making introducing me to these 2 fantastic videos.

Now this first video contains a very dignified gentleman of South Indian origin. He's a hit with the Idli munching, hip crunching sexy sirens from southern India. If I was a girl from Chennai, I'd wanna jump the guy now. Enough said.



And this second one... well - younger South Indian bloke. He's brash but has the moves. His gyrations make Benny Lava eat papaya (watch the video)!!

V.IMP If you ever go to the Philippines embassy!

Somebody sent me an email with a bunch of "guidelines" to keep in mind before you go to the Philippines embassy (italicized parts are my own comments):

----------------------------

Visitors are requested to come appropriately attired. The Embassy will not allow entry to skimpily attired and barefoot people (so if it's just one of these you're ok??) or those wearing the following who are deemed to be inappropriately attired:

1) Shorts with cuts of more than three (3) inches above the knee;
2) Slippers; (WHY???)
3) Mini-skirts with cut of more than three (3) inches above the knee; (makes you wonder why they netted out at three (3) inches... why not two (2) or four (4)... Plus - with the height of the average filipino woman, you're probably talking about getting very close to the general punani(!!) region three (3) inches above the knee - so there goes the no-skimpily-dressed-people rule)
4) Underwears (briefs, panties, bras, boxer shorts, kamiseta) (ok - now you're not allowed to wear underwear to the embassy????? I'm getting some mixed messages here!!!!)
5) Shirts/blouses with plunging necklines; (especially for males with man-boobs)
6) Shirts/blouses that intentionally show the belly button/navel; (so if you show your navel by mistake you're ok!!???)
7) Pants/shorts with very low waistlines that reveal portions of private parts such as the buttocks; (BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Ass crack alert)
8) Transparent shirts and pants that show undergarments.

-----------------------------

Now I know this is unbelievable... so you can check it out on the site yourself:
http://philippine-embassy.org.sg/index.cfm?GPID=10

Monkey business

Provocative thought... Racism, in large part, is a fabrication of the paranoid.

Disclaimer... I'm not saying it doesn't exist or it's ok to have it. If it's a cause for limiting opportunity based on the color of someone's skin or where they come from then it shouldn't have any place in any sphere of life... but in large part, we make too much of a small thing.

Take the recent uproar in cricket against the monkey chants directed at Andrew Symonds (Australian player) during the Vadodra one-dayer (and again in the Mumbai one-dayer). Now here's some perspective - the average Joe (in Vadodra, he'd be the average Jayant) does not understand that calling someone a monkey is racist at all. Young Jayant feels Symonds looks like a monkey - it could be his size, his hair, his body language.. whatever - and so he called him a monkey. BIG DEAL! We all give people labels based on how they look... she looks "hot", she's got a big nose, he's built like a truck, he's fat! Just like that - he's a monkey. Jayant has nothing against where he comes from, where he's going or the color of his skin. And by no means is Jayant capable of limiting Symonds' opportunity to beat the crap out of the Indian cricket team (which he comprehensively did!).

Separately - a certain part of India prays to monkeys. Heck we have an elephant god and we worship cows as well. Having said that, if Jayant, in the course of exploring the hopping night life in Vadodra calls a woman a cow, he doesn't have too much of a shot at getting into her pants (or sari!), but it's not like he was trying to get into Symonds' pants either. So yep - it's rude, it's mean, but not racist.

Another interesting fact - in Australia, Indians are referred to as "curry munchers" very commonly. Never understood why this was racist. Pakistani's are called Pakis... I only recently discovered this was considered racist... i always thought it was short for Pakistani. SEAsians and the Chinese are called Yellow... for me it's just like calling a tomato a tomato, a car a car, an African American black.... it's just a label. And that's not such a bad thing!

Discriminating against a label is the real issue... not the label itself.

Thoughts?

October 7 - This day in history!

I was born on October 7, 1978 in a small nursing home in Central Bombay. Little did I know what a great day it was!! This is what I found on Wikipedia... and if they say it, it must be true!!! :).. Some highlights...

3761 BC - The origin of the modern Hebrew calendar(!!!)

1714 - Beer Tax riots in Netherlands (Go the Dutch!!! That's why Amsterdam is such an aspiration for me!)

1849 - Edgar Alan Poe (think of the Ramsay brothers with stiff upper lips) died.

1919 - KLM was founded (and interestingly - it's the world's oldest airline still operating under its original name!

1982 - Cats opens on broadway and goes on to run for almost 18 years!

2003 - Arnold "I'll be back" Schwarzennegger becomes Cali governer.


I also share a birthday with Vladimir Putin (Russian president), Genji Hashimoto (Japanese racing driver and my name-sake, Sami Hyppia (supremely talented Finnish footbal player), Zaheer Khan (rejuvenated cricketer - even born in the same year as me).

And just like my facebook profile says - I'm thrilled to be a year older, but not a day wiser!!!

Faster than light, slower than a good idea!

Nothing travels like a good idea. Not even company gossip (unless it's a good idea - and I shall not illustrate with examples).

Detour to cricket - India won the T20 World Cup in a humdinger (which, incidentally, means "a person, thing, action, or statement of remarkable excellence or effect") against arch rivals Pakistan. In the end, Misbah ul Haq, without whom the Pakistanis wouldn't have stood a chance, played a bad stroke to get out 5 runs short of the target and handed the cup to India. Now this post is not about the cricket. It's about a great idea.

Someone somewhere - ONE PERSON - came up with this joke right after the game -
KNOCK KNOCK
WHO'S THERE
MISBAH
MISBAH WHO
YOU MIS BAH 5 RUNS MAAN! (for best effect say this with a carribean accent)

Now over the course of yesterday, 4 different people who don't know each other and live in different countries emailed/SMSd me this joke! Now think about this - after the match, ONE smart ass who was probably watching the game with a bunch of friends came up with the joke. His friends laughed. They loved it so much that as soon as they left the bar they were watching it at, in their drunken stupor, SMSd 4-5 of their friends, who in turn probably shared this with their families and them with their friends. And just like that within 24 hours - hundreds of thousands of people were laughing at the same thing! All of this at ZERO COST!!!

Looking out into the future, 2 things come to mind -
1) Reaching your consumer is getting easier. You're spoilt for choice. The consumer has millions of different ways of recieving a message through the day. Mobile and internet technologies have changed our lives completely and I think we haven't even seen the tip of the iceberg.
2) Ironically, it's also harder to REALLY reach her with your message. As a result of the media explosion, she is being bombarded by so many more messages vs what she's ever had before. Now she's suddenly more discerning, more savvy about what she chews and what she spits out. So ideas, are going to have to be more hardworking.

I'm nervously excited to see what happens next.

Quirks!!!

You know how you get all those emails with soppy stories with the worst chiken-soup-for-the-asshole type of moral at the end of it and a message that asks you to forward this to 2500 people or you might either suffer from instant combustion or a bad sex life!... well - this blog post is succumbing to something similar....

shiv (young bengali lad, a good friend, a bad cricketer, but the best whinger) recently resumed his blogging career (like me) and his second post upon resumption (like this one for me) was about his quirks... and he "tagged" me (among others) with that post. And I'm giving in...

Honestly didn't have to think long and hard because I was exchanging notes on this with a friend visiting from India this past week. Think I have 2:

1) My CD Collection! It has to be in alphabetical order. Yep - I'm the nerd who arranges his CD collection!!! If you must know - it's sorted based on last names for individual performers and, well, band names for bands. The compilations follow all the albums (in order of the names of the compilations). OSTs and musicals follow the compliations. Instrumentals, Classicals, World and Chill Out follow the OST's. And then my Hindi collections - in alphabetical order also. This rule does not apply for my DVD collection (which is assorted in 3 different baskets - one for the ones I've seen, 2 for the one's I haven't.

2) Picture Frames and Paintings. I think this stems from the fact that I'm a Libran - I need picture frames, paintings and the like to be in order. They can't be leaning on one side even by the smallest perceptible degree. It bothers me. Couldn't, for the life of me, resist the urge even if I was visiting someone's house. I just have to.

Apart from these two - I'm a fairly easy going guy. Unfazed and uncluttered. Just don't mess with my CD collection. I might have to kill you.